3 Reasons Your Family Members Judge Your Parenting

Something that comes up a LOT in my Facebook group is judgment.

We get parents posting almost every day about how family members simply can’t stop criticizing or passing comments on their parenting styles.

Which sucks.

Because there you are, doing the work needed to help your kiddo end the meltdown cycle, develop vital social skills, and grow into a calm, confident young adult …

And you’re getting unnecessary comments from others who feel the need to get involved!

Now, I want to preface this by saying, I understand why family members can be critical.

I mean, we all go on our own journeys, right?

And when something is a little bit ‘different’ it can be scary.

But at the same time, feeling like others judge you just isn’t nice.

It can make you second guess and doubt yourself.

So to help you out with this, I wanted to explain the 3 main reasons why your family might be upset with your shift in parenting style.

First up, they simply don’t understand the science.

For many family members (particularly the older generations) they feel that parenting methods for HSCs aren’t nearly strict enough.

They see meltdowns as nothing more than bad behavior, and don’t know the current science around it.

They feel like discipline is the only answer.

Obviously, we know that’s not the case.

But they don’t.

Fortunately, there’s a simple fix for this.

Check that out here.

Secondly, your own parents can see your style as a threat to their approach.

Look at it like this - Your parents brought you up in a certain way, right?

And so they might expect that if you grew up happy and healthy, you’d model what they did.

So when you don’t, they subconsciously wonder if you think they did something wrong.

Some even see it as a threat to their ego.

That can lead to arguments and tension.

Or even them trying to impose what they think is ‘the right way’ to parent on your kiddo.

Again, they’re probably doing this from a place of love …

But this can undermine your approach, confuse your child, and lead to a very tense, fractured family dynamic.

The final (and probably biggest) reason for judgment is that family members see it as a threat to their comfort zone about emotions.

As a culture, we’re generally not used to being open with our emotions.

People don’t like to be challenged.

They shy away from talking about frustration and discomfort.

And so for them, any discussion around emotion, or you allowing your child to let their emotions out feels uncomfortable.

That can dent your confidence.

You don’t know whether your approach is working, or if any improvements are just a fluke.

And family members can make comments that leave you disheartened and discouraged.

Knowing why the judgment occurs is the first step to rebuilding your confidence, and getting your entire family onside.

But you still want to actually STOP the judgment, right?

Otherwise it’s only going to bring you down, breed resentment, and make you dread family gatherings.

So how do we do that?

Well, last time this topic came up in the Facebook group, we had some great input from parents who’d been through this exact situation.

Advice like -

“You have to learn to let it go. Know you’re doing what’s best for your child. Other people don't know every detail about your child. Some people will just never understand.”

“I try to talk to people ahead of time and let them know some boundaries. I’ve also developed a thicker skin over time. It's not always easy, but stay the course because you know what your child needs.”

“Boundaries and keeping your circle small to people who understand you and your child's dynamic, and also respect that at all times.”

“I had this problem for years. I just finally said “This is my child and you know nothing about the situation, please stay out of it.” If they continue I leave or let them go.”

“Boundaries. I refuse to let the toxic in. My own parents are like this. They don't get to see the kids often. By now, they understand that they need to earn the right to see them, and in order to do this they need to behave and keep their toxic opinions to themselves.”

As you can see, the big theme here is boundaries.

But judgment is still a common problem.

And sometimes it does require a tough approach.

Which might even mean severing ties with family members who are truly toxic.

But ultimately, you need to do what’s best for your kiddo.

And if you want some help with that?

⇒ We can talk about it here.

I know firsthand how difficult dealing with judgment can be.

I also know how vital it is to NOT just grin and bear it.

That approach doesn’t help you.

And it DEFINITELY doesn’t help your child.

So whether you want our help developing ways to stop your family being so judgmental …

You need proven strategies to calm the meltdown cycle, despite your parents, siblings, aunts, uncles or even friends trying to get involved at every turn …

Or you’re simply looking for guidance and support through your journey …

Reach out and book some time with us here.

For families with high school age teens, book here.

I know we can help.

Talk soon,

Megghan