Are the Meltdowns Keeping You From Loving Your Step-Children?
If you had to write your own definition of parenting, what would you write?
The actual definition from webster's dictionary reads:
the raising of a child by its parents.
2 : the act or process of becoming a parent.
3 : taking care of someone in the manner of a parent.
Now with that as your basis, what would your definition be if your child was NOT stuck in the meltdown cycle?
Don’t lose that thought. We’ll come back to it at the end.
For now, I want to talk about the challenging aspect of parenting a kid that may not be 100% biologically your child.
Many parents have shared with me that they feel they are at a disadvantage in this case,
Because they never developed parenting instincts.
Therefore, they are missing that connection with their step/adopted child.
Let me bust that myth right away to say parenthood is not always natural.
There is no biological advantage in terms of parenting skills when you have your child vs adopting one (metaphorically and literally).
Anyone can learn how to be an incredible parent.
And most often, parents must LEARN the skills to parent effectively.
Now, let’s talk about the reason you’re here: the meltdowns.
If your Highly Sensitive child is struggling with daily or weekly meltdowns and shutdowns and they are over the age of 2,
This is not developmentally appropriate behavior.
If that child is new to your life through adoption, marriage, partnership, etc.
Then you are likely feeling thrown into the EXTRA deep end here.
Parenting a child stuck in the meltdown cycle is not easy.
Parenting a child you are trying to get to trust you, understand you, and befriend you, who is stuck in the meltdown cycle…
Talk about master level parenting.
I’m going to let you in on a secret here.
Parents who biologically have their children often go through similar guilt when their kids are trapped in the meltdown cycle.
And they also have thoughts like, “This is too much,”
“I’m not good enough for my kid.”
“I am going to fail them because I don’t know how to help them.”
“My kid is such a jerk.”
“I shouldn’t have had kids because I don’t know what I’m doing.”
And all of those other shameful thoughts.
The point being here – this is not a problem you cannot fix.
And if you feel like you can’t connect with your non-biological child because of their explosive emotions and tendencies to totally shut down,
You’re not alone.
And if you’re worried that you cannot love your non-biological children BECAUSE of their behavior,
You wouldn’t be here if you weren’t doing everything you possibly can to love them.
Even if that love feels one-sided at this moment.
So give yourself a hug, because you are doing it.
You are making sure that you know how to effectively support a child in your life that is very important to you…
And that is more than most parents can say.
So, how can you fix this when your child is screaming their heads off at you and won’t let you help?
And says hurtful things?
We know what doesn’t work.
We know that acting as a friend rather than standing strong in a parental role doesn’t work.
Buying lots of gifts and trying to meet their needs (which feels impossible) doesn’t work.
You, reading mommy blogs and Facebook group posts and parenting books until your eyes are crossed,
Listening to podcasts and having lengthy conversations with your partner…
That doesn’t work either.
What DOES work is changing your parenting strategy,
But you can’t do that without support.
At MTC, we’ve helped hundreds of families break the meltdown cycle in as little as 8 weeks.
Our team of experts has helped families through a variety of circumstances.
There is nothing we haven’t seen.
And if you want you break the meltdown cycle, you’ll need to do the following:
Change the way you think about yourself.
You are an amazing parent. That is why you’re here.
You’re figuring out how to be the most amazing parent for your child.
Which automatically places you in the category of amazing parents.
Teach your child to advocate for themselves, and YOU advocate for them.
You can only do this if you know how to communicate your expectations and needs, and manage their responsibilities.
And doing that playfully is key here, since children (and adults) learn best through play.
Give your child specific and strategic feedback so they know exactly what to do.
And you can only do that if they are willing to listen to you.
Finally, change the way you think about your child and their needs.
Change the way you see what they are capable of.
Remember the first question I asked you here today?
If you had to write your own definition of parenting, what would you write?
Write your definition of parenting as if your child was not stuck in the meltdown cycle.
Once you do that, you’re already seeing what is possible for you and your family,
And getting the ball rolling to start changing things for the better.
You should know – we don’t work with everyone at MTC,
If we don’t feel like the best fit for your family, we will give you resources and point you in the direction you need to move next.
If you want to ditch the parenting guilt and start changing your life today, book a free call with our team.
We’re ready to help you and your child live in joy, just like you always planned to.
https://www.megghanthompsoncoaching.com/talk
For families with high school aged teens: https://www.megghanthompsoncoaching.com/teentalk
