Still Thinking You Are Your Child’s “Safe Space” During Meltdowns
As parents, our number one priority is to make sure our kids feel safe at all times.
But when you’re parenting an HSC, that’s easier said than done.
Especially when you’re stuck in the meltdown cycle.
Because let’s face it, your primal instinct is to get them out of this spot ASAP.
We don’t want to see our kiddo hurting, and struggling to express their emotions.
And we definitely don’t want them to feel unsafe.
And so more often than not, we become their safe space.
Now, a ‘safe space’ can mean a lot of different things for different HSCs.
For some, that means having plenty of human contact, to help them feel supported and loved.
Others may be more sensitive to physical touch, and so for them, a safe space is more about simply having you near.
In most cases, if you can provide whatever safe space is needed FOR THEM, that particular meltdown will end sooner.
But there’s a problem …
Because while this strategy might be useful in the moment, it doesn’t do a lot to end the long-term meltdown cycle.
In fact, chances are, you’re making things worse.
And I know you don’t mean to … But I have to be honest.
To prove my point, I had a mom reach out to me just the other day.
She saw her one and only role during her daughter’s meltdowns as being that safe space.
When she first started doing this, she was amazed.
Because her daughter’s meltdowns went from lasting for 15, 20, even 30+ minutes …
To being over in just 2 or 3.
Which was incredible.
But after a few months of this approach, the results started to wane.
Then, they started to reverse.
Until eventually, those meltdowns got more frequent and more severe.
And that’s not all …
Because any meltdowns that occurred outside the house, when mom wasn’t there, got way worse.
The relationship between the two of them became fractured.
The daughter started freaking out, and looking for mom the moment things got tough, because she knew she’d be comforted.
Now, I’m not for one minute saying you shouldn’t comfort your child.
But there’s a difference between comforting them, while helping them become independent and in control of their emotions …
And comforting them while removing all the responsibility from their shoulders.
Unfortunately, when you assume the role of ‘safe space,’ the latter outcome happens.
Your kiddo believes they can’t cope without you.
Meltdowns when they’re at school, or with other family members become much worse.
And they stop seeing you as someone who can help them self-advocate …
… to someone to fully rely on the moment something isn’t quite right.
That’s not a good place to be.
Because they’re not becoming independent.
And they're certainly not developing coping skills, or working on their ability to socialize.
So what should you do instead?
Well, to be honest, I can’t give you a straight answer on that one.
Because every case is different.
That’s why, at MTC, we don’t have a “one-size-fits-all” approach.
Sure, we know what works.
And we have a whole toolbox of strategies for managing meltdowns, calming anxiety, and building an incredible parent-child bond …
Even if your kiddo seems unwilling, argumentative, and temperamental.
But we still work one-on-one with every client, to make sure they have a plan that’s 100% personalized to what they need.
One that works for them and their kiddo.
And we support them around the clock, too.
Because you don’t have to be your child’s one and only “safe space.”
And you certainly don’t need to assume that stressful position for the rest of their childhood, either.
So if you want to leave the meltdown cycle for good, why not reach out and book some time with us?
For families with high school age teens, book here!
My team has a few spots open this week.
So hit the link below, pick a time, and let’s put those first steps in place:
⇒ “Yes, I’m ready to stop being my child’s safe space, and to help them end the meltdown cycle.”
Talk soon,
Megghan
