The Effect of the Meltdown Cycle on Your Non-Sensitive Kids
Growing up, I wasn’t a highly sensitive child …
But I was the sibling of a highly sensitive child.
See, people often wonder why I got into the work I do at MTC.
And while it’s because my passion truly is helping parents and kids in this situation, it’s also down to my personal experience.
I want to preface this by saying that I have an amazing relationship with my parents.
They’re kind, loving people, and we get on great.
But looking back, knowing what I know now, there were things in my childhood that definitely weren’t optimal, and had a negative impact on me as I grew up.
That’s why I wanted to write today’s blog.
Parenting an HSC is super tough.
Parenting an HSC and a non-HSC is even tougher.
Because it’s such a balancing act.
And clearly, you can’t use the exact same strategy for both kids.
So what can you do?
Well, let me share with you the 4 “lessons” I learned being parented in a traditional household alongside an HSC:
(By the way, the word ‘lessons’ is a bit of a misnomer here, as they’re far from positive lessons.
But I think you’ll pick that up as we go through.)
1. Negative emotions aren’t allowed.
At home, I was told not to shout.
I was taught to suppress my feelings.
And any time I did behave badly?
I was given lectures, timeouts, groundings, and the occasional spanking.
This led to me seeing all emotions as inappropriate.
And I often blamed others for my negative experiences.
I became rash and blunt.
And while this did have some benefit (because I stayed hard nosed and assertive) …
Overall, I became very closed off, and didn’t have any outlet for my emotions.
2. Take care of others.
When you have one child who needs a lot of attention (your HSC) …
And one child who’s more capable of getting on with things (your non-HSC) …
It’s so easy to encourage your non-HSC to help your HSC.
And while there’s nothing wrong with this, there’s got to be a limit.
If your non-HSC wants to help out and support?
Awesome.
Let them do just that.
But be sure you’re not subconsciously showing them that taking care of others is their responsibility.
Because when that happens, they lose their childhood.
They start taking on other people’s burdens.
And they begin to feel stressed, anxious and overwhelmed.
Again, for me, there were benefits to this.
Had I not felt like taking care of my sibling was my responsibility, I doubt I’d have gotten into being a therapist.
And I love what I do.
But at the same time, I didn’t have a balanced life growing up, especially as a teenager.
3. You should avoid problems.
One thing that comes up time and time again in mixed households, is non-HSCs shutting down, and never sharing their problems.
They can feel like their needs aren’t as great as their highly sensitive sibling’s.
Or that they don’t want to “bother you” with their struggles.
Knowing this as a parent can be heartbreaking.
Because you want them to open up to you, right?
And the last thing you want is for them to suffer in silence.
Or for them to emotionally disconnect and avoid their feelings.
4. Work hard to get your needs met
Non-HSCs can feel like they have to go above and beyond to feel any recognition, or to be seen and heard.
Which, let’s face it, is understandable.
If they generally just get their head down and get on with things, it’s so easy for parents to think - “Well, they’re doing just fine.”
But I know from my experience growing up, this isn’t the case.
Because my highly sensitive sister got most of the attention, I felt like I had to work super hard to get any acknowledgement, and have my needs met.
Fortunately, I recognized this.
And I did the work needed to overcome this barrier as I moved into adulthood.
But many non-HSCs who grow up in a sensitive household aren’t so fortunate.
Clearly, these “lessons” aren’t the best way to go about things when you have both HSCs and non-HSCs in the household.
Because the strategies that work for one kid won’t work for the other.
So what can you do?
Honestly? I suggest booking a call with us.
Because this is such a complex situation, with so many plates to juggle …
And because the approach needs to be even more specific than just having an HSC …
Reserving one of our free breakthrough call slots is your best way to get total clarity on your situation, and a game plan moving forward.
I know how overwhelming parenting two totally different kiddos is.
But I also know how simple this can be to get your head around.
So if you want to help your HSC calm the meltdown cycle, and step up as a confident, sociable, courageous kiddo …
And you want to give your non-HSC the childhood they deserve …
Use this link, and let’s talk.
For families with high school age teens, book your call here.
Warmly,
Megghan
P.S.
I guess I should add -
If you don’t have any non-HSC kids, but want to book a call with us …
That’s totally fine too.
I understand a lot of parents take a little time to book that call, and maybe it’s taken you a few months to get to the stage you’re ready to pick up that phone.
I certainly wouldn’t want to leave you hanging.
So if that’s you, use this link and we can chat.
And again, for families with high school age teens, book here.
